The blog was originally written by Sophie Ota and published in December 2017.
The holiday season is such a busy time of year, and it can be hard to find the perfect gift for everyone on your list. But don’t worry. When it comes to shopping for Vice President Mike Pence — who once said that Roe v. Wade should be “sent to the ash heap of history” — we’ve got you covered.
Here’s a roundup of the 10 best holiday presents for President Trump’s right-hand man.
Mike Pence thinks that condoms are "too modern" (what?) and offer “very, very poor protection” against STDs — which is completely and utterly FALSE. When they’re used correctly, condoms are great at preventing STDS (and pregnancy).
Condoms come in a wide range of sizes, textures, and even flavors. There are so many fun options to choose from!
2. Movie Night to Watch Disney’s “Mulan”
According to Pence, the “moral” of this 1998 classic is that it’s a “bad idea” to have women in combat. Treat Pence to a cozy movie night with this feminist propagandist film created by a so-called “mischievous liberal at Disney!”
3. A Reading of John Oliver’s Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo
Gift Mike Pence a reading of John Oliver’s parody of the Pence family children’s book. In this telling, boy bunny Marlon falls heads over ears for fellow boy bunny Wesley. This simple story of love and acceptance is whimsically light and educational — perfect for Mike Pence, who believes that increasing LGBTQ rights will cause society to collapse amid “the deterioration of marriage and family.”
4. A Donation to the Planned Parenthood Action Fund In Pence’s Name
Pence started the whole “defund” Planned Parenthood thing: He introduced the first federal measure to block patients from care at Planned Parenthood. He’s still trying! So give him a gift he’ll never forget, and donate to Planned Parenthood Action Fund “in honor” of Mike Pence!Donate in Honor of Mike Pence Now!
You’ll be protecting our access to Planned Parenthood health centers as well as our access to affordable birth control and safe and legal abortion — all of which are currently under attack by Pence and his allies.
5. A Ruth Bader Ginsburg T-Shirt
The world would be a better place if only Mike Pence asked himself WWRBGD. Every times he sees it will be a reminder that we need more judges like Justice Ginsburg — especially as the administration is packing the courts with extreme, conservative judges like Wendy Vitter and Michael Truncale.Did you already donate? Tweet this list
6. A Coupon for Spray Tans
This summer, Mike Pence infamously mimicked Donald Trump when they inexplicably picked up their water bottles and placed them on the floor during a FEMA meeting. It wasn’t the first time Pence copied Trump’s odd behavior. Pence loves following in Trump’s footsteps, so why not give him a full Trump makeover! We’ll even cut Pence a deal and throw in some hair dye.
7. A Pride Flag
This symbolic rainbow flag will take the Naval Observatory from “blah” to “bling” this winter. It’s the perfect gift for Pence, who believes that LGBTQ people “weaken” the military and more recently failed to mention LGBTQ people in his speech on World AIDS Day. It’s extra celebratory when Pence’s own hometown of Columbus, Indiana, hosted its first LGBTQ pride parade earlier this year.
8. A Visit from Mike Hot-Pence
What better way for Mike Pence to ring in the new year than by celebrating with his doppelgänger, Mike Hot-Pence — aka the viral performer who has raised thousands of dollars for Planned Parenthood.
9. Hamilton Listening Party
When Mike Pence attended a production of the hit Broadway musical, the cast called him out for failing to protect human rights and “American values” that serve “all of us.” This holiday season, treat Pence to another history lesson!
10. A Lesson about Women’s Health
A lesson on sexual and reproductive health is a perfect gift for a women’s health opponent like Mike Pence. Here are some scientific, evidence-based facts he can't ignore.
BONUS GIFT: A Custom Brett Kavanaugh Beer Koozie!
Pence responded to allegations of sexual assault against Brett Kavanaugh by calling the then-Supreme Court nominee a “man of integrity.” Kavanaugh even planned to watch Dr. Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony in Pence’s office. Let’s toast to these two Nice Guys™, who are united in their hostility to Roe v. Wade and women’s fundamental rights.
Donate in Mike Pence's "Honor" and Help Fuel Our Fight in 2019 and Beyond!
Just last month, Pence helped unleash new attacks on access to birth control and insurance coverage for abortion. He's also trying hard to implement a "gag rule" — a harmful attack on access to Planned Parenthood health centers that he's been dreaming of since at least 2007. We can't let him win.