Recognize this guy?
It’s Mike Pence — aka the anti-abortion, anti-birth control, anti-LGBTQ vice president of the United States!
The holiday season is such a busy time of year that it can be hard to find the perfect gift for everyone on your list. But don’t worry. When it comes to shopping for Pence — who once said that Roe v. Wade should be “sent to the ash heap of history” — we’ve got you covered.
Here’s a roundup of the 9 best holiday presents for Donald Trump’s right-hand man.
Mike Pence thinks that condoms offer “very, very poor protection against sexually transmitted diseases” — which is completely and utterly FALSE. When they’re used correctly, condoms are great at preventing STDS and pregnancy.
So spoil Mike Pence with some condoms this holiday season! Condoms come in a wide range of sizes, textures — and even flavors. There are so many fun options to choose from.
2. Disney’s “Mulan” on Blu-ray
Treat Mike Pence to a cozy movie night by gifting him this 1998 classic. After all, the movie — created by a “mischievous liberal at Disney” — is bound to get the vice president’s heart racing. According to Pence, the “moral of the story” is that having women in combat is a “bad idea.”
3. Pitching in to Planned Parenthood Action Fund
Pence has tried to “defund” or block access to care at Planned Parenthood health centers numerous times, and he signed one of the worst anti-abortion laws in the country as the governor of Indiana. So give him a gift he’ll never forget, and pitch in to Planned Parenthood Action Fund “in honor” of Mike Pence!
Since the 2016 election, supporters have pitched in and given 205,000 gifts to Planned Parenthood Action Fund “in honor” of the VP. If you do the same, you’ll be supporting patients, protecting birth control access — and making Pence’s holiday a little brighter.TALK ABOUT A WIN-WIN. CHIP IN NOW!
4. Colin Kaepernick jersey
Give Mike Pence a Colin Kaepernick jersey. It’s a lot more affordable than getting him tickets to an Indianapolis Colts game, just so he can leave after 20 minutes and fly back to D.C. on a private plane chartered by taxpayer dollars!
5. A science lesson
Science-based, evidence-based facts are perfect for a climate change-denier like Michael Richard Pence — who has refused to acknowledge evolution and claims he doesn’t know why global warming is “such a paramount issue for the left” “for some reason.”
Why Are the Ice Caps Melting?: The Dangers of Global Warming (Let's-Read-and-Find-Out Science 2) by Anne Rockwell
6. A pride flag
This symbolic rainbow flag will take the Naval Observatory from “blah” to “bling” this winter. It’s the ultimate gift for Pence, who believes that LGBTQ people “weaken” the military and should not be “entitled to the protection of anti-discrimination laws.”
7. A visit from Mike Hot-Pence
What better way for Mike Pence to ring in the new year than by celebrating with his doppelgänger, Mike Hot-Pence — aka the viral performer who has raised thousands of dollars for Planned Parenthood and other progressive organizations.
Find him on Twitter @MikeHotPence
8. Hamilton tickets
Last November, Mike Pence enjoyed a personalized showing of the musical Hamilton, in which the cast called him out while the audience booed him. This holiday season, send him back to the hit Broadway show for another history lesson!
9. Moon Boots
Moon Boots are a cute, classic accessory that make a great gift for a man whose top three priorities are 1) “defunding” Planned Parenthood, 2) taking health care away from millions of people, and 3) putting men on the moon (again?).OR, MAKE A GIFT "IN HONOR" OF MIKE PENCE INSTEAD!